Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together. It’s Arrested Development.
When we last left the Bluth family, Michael finally made good on his promise to leave the family, traveling to his father’s safe house in Cabo. Unbeknownst to him, his father tagged along.
Michael Bluth rides away in the yacht with his son George Michael, as SEC boats seize the Queen Mary. The next morning, he wakes up facing his father.
Months later, he is standing on the beach outside his new home, wearing khaki shorts, a tropical shirt, and a pair of sunglasses, looking out into the seas.
George, Sr. comes up to him. “You’re not thinking of going back, now are you?”
“Come on, Dad, I wasted almost three years of my life trying to keep that crazy family of ours together. They’ll never survive if we don’t teach them a little sparrow method. Plus, George Michael loves it here.”
Inside, George Michael is writing a letter to Maeby.
“You’re gonna crack, Michael,” George, Sr. says, “you always do.”
“I’m not going to crack, Dad. Yes, I’m going to see the family again, but I’m not racing back to play Superman and save the family.
Michael lasted six months before he cracked and raced back to play Superman and save the family.
George Michael sat quietly in the first mate’s seat of the yacht, grinning from ear to ear. Michael, looking ahead, calls out, “You know, Buddy, I don’t want you feeling sad because we’re leaving Cabo. I think we taught the family a good lesson and now it’s time to go back and be responsible. ‘Cause what always comes first?”
“Family,” replied George Michael.
“That’s right. Oh, wait, we forgot to eat breakfast. You hungry? Pop-Pop made us some turkey sandwiches.”
George, Sr., on the other hand, decided to remain in Cabo, where he felt safer.
George, Sr. sees police outside the house, so he puts on a wig and races out the backdoor.
Michael, upon arriving back to Newport Beach, vowed to rebuild the Bluth Company from the ground up.
Michael is sitting in a boardroom with Stan Sitwell. “You know, I’m quite surprised you’d even consider allowing our company back into Bluth hands,” Michael comments.
Stan, sporting a neck-length brown wig, replies, “Well, after seeing those waterworks at that party last year, I thought you were a real bleep, but seeing you again has really reminded me that you’re a man.”
Michael is very tan, with longer hair swept backwards, much like Stan’s, and he’s wearing khaki cargo pants and a tropical shirt, showing off some increased muscle tone.
Outside the office building, Sally Sitwell is admiring him.
This included hiring new employees to replace those that Michael felt were incompetent. This resulted in what George, Sr. usually called a “Black Friday.”
Three months later, Michael’s tan has disappeared and he’s again wearing three-piece suits and a conservative haircut.
In the board room, one of Michael’s new developers mentions, “Okay, just throwing something out, has anyone seen that old cartoon The Jetsons?”
Michael looks a little anxious about this suggestion until another employee responds, “No, Jack, that doesn’t sound practical.” Michael looks pleased until she adds, “I’m thinking something more along the lines of this.” She holds up a concept drawing of houses floating in the sky tethered by blimps. The drawing is dated 1984.
Another employee jumps in, “I’m telling ya. The sky is not the wave of the future. Underground is!”
Well, at least he tried.
But there were some benefits for Michael to being President.
In The Orange County Register, dated January 4, 2009, on the front page of the Life Section, Michael is shown smiling with satisfaction at a giant pair of scissors, while standing in front of a cut ribbon. He is at a new subdivision labeled “Acadia Millennia” filled with sleek, highly-stilted, beach-front homes.
Through some miracle of the post-Bush economy, the Bluth Company remained in the black.
His son George Michael followed in his footsteps and joined the Bluth Company Finance Division. After years of interning and work-study, he is currently employed as a first-level manager.
As a deterrent against those who thought he was unqualified for the job, he hung two items in his office. One is a motivational poster.
The poster features an image of a lion cub playing on top of its father’s back; it reads: “Nepotism: We Promote Family Values Here—Almost as Often as We Promote Family Members.”
The other is his Bachelors of Business degree. From Stanford. Summa Cum Laude. Which he will one day replace with his MBA. From Stanford. With Honors.
He also hung his framed Employee of the Month award on the wall, though not in the best location.
The award is hung on the far wall, and as an employee enters to speak to George Michael, the door covers it up.
George Michael, barely looking his twenty-two years, comments forcefully, “No, there will be no ‘fudging’ of the numbers. The Bluth Company has a history of bad accounting, and I want us to be 100% legit. There’s a reason we’ve purchased the best damn financial software on the planet.”
The employee nods and walks to the door. George Michael shivers for a moment before breathing out and whispering, “Anxieties out, confidence in.” Breath. “What a crock.”
The award’s location was not much of a problem for George Michael, though, as it was from May 2004, for his promotion to manager at the Bluth Banana Stand.
The door is closed, revealing a picture of an awkwardly-smiling, teenage George Michael, waving, above the generic “Employee of the Month” plaque.
As his managerial duties at the banana stand included awarding Employee of the Week, all thirty-seven of the subsequent Employee of the Month awards were given to his cousin, Maeby Fünke.
A large stack of Employee of the Month certificates sits in an attic somewhere. George, Sr. is sleeping in the background.
Maeby, on the other hand, did not hang her Employee of the Month awards on her wall. Partially because they would have covered the majority of her west wall.
The pile falls over. They feature taped-on Polaroids of a teenage Maeby. She is smiling in none of the pictures, at times rolling her eyes, and as the certificates spread out across the floor, they give a visual timeline of her ever-evolving hairstyle. A couple feature chocolate syrup on her lips.
Speaking of Maeby, she was rehired as a movie executive at Tantamount Pictures.
Maeby strolls into her old office. Finding it unoccupied, she begins to redecorate it with her moving out box, which has been left on her desk.
“I thought you were fired for being like 16,” someone comments. It’s the president of Tantamount Pictures.
“Oh, that was just a publicity stunt. We were drumming up attention for that movie. Ronny backed out.”
It was the focus group, actually.
The president gives her a look of suspicion, “He didn’t back out. It was the focus group. Plus, it was made into a miniseries.”
Thank you.
Maeby tacks on, “Marry me.” The president hastily sidles away.
She eventually graduated high school, having attended only nine days of her sophomore, junior, and senior years, but making passing grades due to her assistants doing her homework under the guise of film-related projects.
She currently holds a 3.2 GPA from UCLA, with a major in Film. She has never set foot on campus, and has yet to realize that the school is a mere 20-minute drive from her studio. She is set to graduate next spring. Possibly on the Dean’s List.
She would eventually produce two sequels and one prequel to Les Cousins Dangereux, which were penned by up-and-coming but reclusive screenwriter Shirley Wolfbeak.
Three movie posters are shown. The first is titled Les Cousins Dangereux Deux: Le Bébé, showing a young man and a young pregnant woman holding hands and pressing their foreheads together emotionally, toned green. The second is titled Les Cousins Dangereux 3: Comme La Mère, Comme La Fille, showing a family seated around a dinner table, looking emotional, toned violet. The third is titled Les Parents Dangereux: Il Fonctionne Dans La Famille, showing the backs of a man and woman, holding hands and watching a young boy and a young girl play together, toned red.
All three of the films, despite being filmed as serious romantic dramas, became popular cult comedic favorites, mainly because of the formula: two legally but not biologically related relatives fall in love and experience what can only be described as French eroticism, only to discover in the climax that they are indeed blood relatives, only to learn near the end that they’re actually not biologically related… probably. They also featured poorly translated French. All three were picketed relentlessly by conservative groups.
November 2007: A group of protesters, holding weathered signs, loudly pickets the theater. Maeby is out front giving out tickets. Eventually, some of the protesters, including a defeated Ann Veal, take tickets and enter the theater.
November 2009: A group of protesters, looking almost identical to the protesters from 2007, passively pickets the same theater holding the same signs, which are weathered, water-stained, and faded. Maeby gives out tickets. Eventually, some of the protesters, a larger group than from 2007, led by a half-hearted Ann Veal, take tickets and enter the theater. Cousins 3 is playing on two screens.
November 2011: A group of protesters, looking almost identical to the protesters from 2007 and 2009, distractedly pickets the same theater with the same signs, which are weathered, water-stained, faded, creased, torn, and falling apart. As Maeby arrives, Ann Veal and the majority of the protesters immediately and enthusiastically drop their signs to collect tickets from her. Parents Dangereux is playing on five screens.
This controversy only added to the popularity.
Except in France.
In France, the movies are picketed vehemently, with effigies of Shirley Wolfbeak being burned in front of theaters. The police and army, unable to do anything to help, flee. The theater is empty except for George, Sr.
All was not well, though for Maeby. After a few years, she began getting as many as two takers a day from her deflection, “Marry me!”
“Marry me!” Maeby declares sarcastically to a 30-something director.
“Okay,” the director replies.
Maeby looks ill.
…had switched to “I want kids!”
“I want kids!”
This worked just as well, if not better, than her previous deflection. Though karma would have something to say about it.
Dramatic and ominous music plays.
But we’ll get to that later.
Because of their combined wealth, George Michael and Maeby, hoping to remain close, lived together in a two-bedroom penthouse in the condominium complex that their grandmother Lucille used to inhabit.
A real estate agent stumbles around the former Balboa Towers residence of Lucille Bluth. She fingers the deep scratches all over the walls, notes the ever-present smell of alcohol and marijuana in the kitchen and master bedroom, and laments the illegal construction work done to the bathroom. In addition, it’s obvious that the only sign of recent cleaning is the immaculately vacuumed carpets.
George Michael, being the more generous and modest of the two, selected the smaller of the two rooms for himself.
The room is devoid of personal effects. The queen bed is covered in tight, creaseless, seemingly brand-new sheets. There is a TV on bare dresser, but as the air conditioning comes on, it’s blown off the stand. It’s a model home prop.
Maeby took the master bedroom.
The master bedroom, on the other hand, is fully decorated with family pictures and college degrees. On the left side of the room is a desk filled with books. On the right side, the walls are covered in actor headshots and the floor littered with scripts and women’s clothing. The king-sized bed is made, though the pillows have been thrown on haphazardly.
It was quite a miracle that the family survived during Michael’s absence. But they appeared to have a guardian angel on their side.
Tobias brags to his wife, “I think I must be the most sought-after extra in all of Southern California. Strangely, I can’t get a lead role. You know what? I think Carl Weathers is giving me inside help.”
Carl Weathers, disgraced by his episode of Scandal Makers, actually had very little pull in Hollywood.
Lindsay replies, “That’s great, honey. You want to know what’s weird? I think someone stole my identity and has started paying off my credit card debts.”
Lindsay and Tobias finally split up. Not burdened with the expectation of having to have sexual relations with one another, they began to get along better and even became the closest of friends.
Lindsay and Tobias try cooking a meal together. They make a mess but laugh all the way through it. Afterwards, Maeby, reading from a letter, walks through the kitchen and turns off the stove and closes the refrigerator. “Thanks,” she says to the letter. Many of the cabinet doors have fallen off.
Lindsay and Tobias watch a movie in the sunken living room, sharing a bowl of popcorn. The next day, Maeby, still reading a letter, puts down a robot vacuum to eat up all the spilt popcorn. Two hours later, still reading the same letter, grabs the vacuum where it’s stuck in the corner trying to climb uphill. She pops open the filter and pours the popcorn in the trash. “Gosh, you’re thorough.”
Lindsay and Tobias, in their room, paint each others toenails, regaling each other with stories about potential romantic partners. Tobias begins to experiment with her hair, commenting on styles. Later, after they’ve fallen asleep, Maeby walks into their room, reading a letter, whispering to herself, “Hmm, you’re right.” She screws on the caps of the nail polish before admiring the color of one and slipping it into her pocket. She also starts screwing on the cap of a vodka bottle. She looks around before unscrewing it and taking a sip. She cringes and fans her mouth. “You’re wrong,” she tells the letter, “it did go bad.” She goes to the sink to pour the rest out. The vodka begins to seep out of the cabinet below, unnoticed by Maeby.
After Michael’s return, Lindsay became an entrepreneur, starting at times as many as three businesses a year, including a high-fashion pet clothing store…
October 2006: Customers, with pets in their arms and on leashes, peruse a strip mall store filled with miniature clothes, on racks labeled with big-name designers.
Unfortunately, Lindsay charged similar prices.
Lindsay chases her fleeing customers out the door. “Wait! We’ll be having a sale soon! Come back!” she screams desperately. The store is called “Rodeo Fashion.”
In a commercial for the store, Lindsay declares, “And it’s pronounced ROH-dee-oh, like the cowboy show. For all your diva pet’s fashion needs.”
She then started a store specializing in artificial wombs, to be used as medical aids, pregnancy visual aids, and film special effects. Her demographic is not what she expected.
March 2007: The store, “Crowning Achievements” is filled with men, from their late teens to their fifties. Also browsing near the back of the store is Maggie Lizer.
“So, exactly how… stretchy are the, uh, devices?” asked a man of about twenty-three years.
Lindsay, suspicious, replies, “Well, I’ve not really played with them myself…”
She had.
“…but I understand they’re very true to life.”
“Yeah,” the customer, “do you have any that aren’t… pregnant?”
“You know what? You’re sick. We refuse the right to admit any customer.”
Her most recent project was a “Regifting Store,” which had the most potential for success except a few problems. Firstly, the term “regifting” had been trademarked by Jerry Seinfeld, which meant Lindsay couldn’t use it in the name of the store.
She inadvertently got out of this by registering as a non-profit organization, which she thought she could do given her previous business history of being unable to make a profit. Which, when you really think about it, is an odd mistake for a social activist to make. She was able to do so because part of her business plan was “to give away the crap to the Salvation Army.”
“…to give away the crap to the Salvation Army,” Lindsay comments to a suited man.
Though Lindsay was referring to the unsellable items when she said “crap,” the permit officer figured she mean “all items collected.” He also overlooked the fact that the Salvation Army already had its own collection centers.
Lindsay could have gotten into a lot of trouble for attempting to make money off a non-profit, if only the feds weren’t convinced that Michael was as corrupt a businessman as his parents, and as so ignored Lindsay’s businesses.
A Blendin Electrical truck drives past “The Regifting Store: It’s the Thought That Counted” and pulls up to the Bluth Company building.
Lindsay would end up never donating a single item to the Salvation Army, as she had no idea where it was, and was far too lazy to look it up.
The store is four blocks west and block north of Lindsay’s store.
Instead, Lindsay mostly tried to sell back the items or regift them to the family.
December 2008: Lindsay gives Michael a Big Mouth Billy Bass singing animatronic fish. At first Michael doesn’t seem too impressed, but then realizes something. Later, the fish is hanging in his empty office. Men dressed in Blendin Electricians uniforms enter Michael’s office. The fish begins to sing and they race out. “Our cover’s blown!”
Michael returns from the bathroom. “Good job, Billy,” Michael quietly remarks on his way in. The fish continues to sing.
George Michael opens a used train set. “Oh, wow!” Lindsay is pleased, not seeing him lean over and tell Maeby, “At least it’s not weird underwear again.”
“And when you could finally use some.”
Tobias pulls out a silk blouse. “Wow, this sure is classy! And so soft. I’m gonna have guys rubbing their hands all over me in jealousy!”
As he runs off to try it on, Lindsay comments to herself, “Damn, I send the wrong present to Mom.”
Lucille opens a present and finds the Oz Season 1 DVD set. “Is this your idea of a joke? What am I supposed to do with this?”
Lindsay also tried to sell the stranger items on eBay. This too could have gotten her in trouble, as this was a patented business model that would require her to obtain another license. It was a moot issue, however.
Lindsay checks her computer, disappointed. “I knew no one would want any of this crap.”
In actuality, Lindsay could have sold each and every last item in her store. Unfortunately, her poor spelling skills made it impossible for potential buyers to find her merchandise.
Lindsay peruses a dictionary. “How the bleep do you spell Erector Set? E-R-E… huh, I guess they can put words like that in here…”
Because of her limited success, she remained in the new model house with her adoptive brother, Michael.
There is a new mini-mansion on a deserted, sandy hill. It’s built to the left of the old model home, which is surrounded by yellow “Condemned” tape.
The new model home, unlike the previous model home that the Bluths lived in, was built by Michael, so it featured such luxury aspects as a full-installed plumbing system, real metal screws, and a frame that would not collapse after twenty years.
The old model home’s roof sinks in.
George Michael had taken most of the model items for his own room in the condo with Maeby, telling his father they reminded him of home.
In George Michael’s room in the condo, a prop clock radio, without a cord, sits on the nightstand, continually displaying 12:08 in painted-on numerals.
Lucille, despite the money she made from selling the Bluth Company to Stan Sitwell, was unable to hire a good attorney.
At Lucille’s primary hearing, February 2006. “So,” Barry Zuckerkorn mentions as he slides into the defense table chair, “I’m a little unprepared. So, what’s George been accused of now?”
“I’m the one on trial, Barry.”
After a moment, Barry comments, “God, you look beautiful, Lucille.”
“Why, thank you, Barry. You’re fired.”
“I’m actually okay with that. I’m meeting a client down in Industry.”
Later that day, Barry is cruising the streets, passing by a number of very attractive female prostitutes.
At Lucille’s pre-trial, June 2006. Bob Loblaw remarked, “Look, Lucille, I want to assure you that I have everything under control. I’ve reviewed your case. It’s not going to be an easy job, but I assure you that I will work hard for you.”
Lucille smiles.
“Unfortunately, I’ve also got a prior arrangement right now, so Larry will be subbing for me just this once. Trust me, you won’t even know I’m not physically here.”
Larry Mittleman, dressed in his usual earpiece and camera hat, sits down in Bob’s place.
He starts to speak to no one in particular, “So, note to self, figure out how the hell I’m going to defend this woman who is obviously as guilty as sin for not only these charges, but probably several dozen more. Also, figure out how to nail her daughter without getting the slut too attached. Oh, well, I’m overcharging them anyway. I don’t understand why Hope really needs another pony, but whatever keeps her from becoming interested in boys. Anyway, let me figure out how to turn this mic on so that Larry can hear what I’m saying. Where’s that button? There it—”
There is a long, profound silence. Lucille sighs. Judge Ping waits patiently. Lucille turns to Larry and says, “You’re fired.” After a moment, she adds, “Bob, I mean. Larry, you can stay if you’d like.” She sultrily added, “If you know what I mean.” She winks.
“Sorry, ma’am, I’m a professional.”
At Lucille’s first day of trial in March 2007, Wayne Jarvis finds her sitting at the prosecution’s desk.
“Hello, Wayne, how are you?”
“Mrs. Bluth, I do not engage in small talk.”
“Right to business, my kind of man. I want you to represent me.”
“I’m the lead prosecutor.”
“Let me put it to you financially. You drop this case and my company survives. That’s a lot of green for you.”
And Wayne Jarvis would have dropped the case right then had he not spent all night on his opening arguments, which he was very proud of.
The next day, he declared that he was dropping the case. However, his assistant Cho decided to proceed in his absence.
“She’s guilty; the prosecution rests,” Cho comments apathetically.
Wayne Jarvis, now at the defense table, turns and whispers, “The fool. We’ve got this case bagged.”
Five days later, after numerous heartfelt arguments by Wayne Jarvis, he declares, “And that is why Lucille Bluth is not guilty. Your Honor, the defense rests.”
“Finally,” Judge Ping comments, “Mr. Jarvis, I hope you realize you have spent the last week arguing unopposed. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you are excused to deliberate.”
The head juror stands up immediately, “We, the jury, find Lucille Bluth, on the charges of embezzlement in the first degree…”
We’re going to jump ahead seven minutes and forty-four seconds.
“…guilty, and, lastly, failure to provide a sufficient number of public restrooms on a non-public floor, guilty. On the charge of not providing medical leave for cosmetic surgery to a clerical-level employee, we find the defendant, not guilty.”
Judge Ping replies, “Jurors, you didn’t actually leave the room to deliberate.”
The head juror replies, “Well, sir, we were blown away by the defense attorney’s opening argument for the prosecution.”
Judge Ping replies, “Thank you. Lucille Bluth, you have been found guilty of forty-one charges and found not guilty on one. Sentencing will take place tomorrow at nine AM.”
Lucille turns to Wayne Jarvis, who gives her his card, “Well, that didn’t go as well as I hoped. I hope you will consider me for any future crimes you commit.”
Lucille sighs. “I need a drink.”
The rest, as they say is history.
Lucille is being escorted into a women’s prison.
Steve Holt joined his father in his magic show. Unfortunately, Steve had no more talent that GOB, but their incompetencies had a tendency to cancel out each other.
On stage at the Gothic Castle, GOB dramatically steps into a coffin. As Steve spins the coffin while closing it, he snubs his toe on the dolly; the sudden jerk causes GOB to fall out the trap door while Steve falls in. GOB leaps up in time to for the lid to fall. From the audience’s perspective, this looks impressive. Except for a picketing PETA member in the background, the audience applauds.
It helped that the amount of smoke used in their act disguised their numerous flubs.
GOB holds two swords, swinging them around and chopping pre-cut boards in half. Steve hides behind a small Oriental-paper partition and GOB thrusts the swords through, seemingly impaling Steve. Inside, Steve is using another set of swords to make this illusion occur. Unfortunately, he grabs the wrong side of a sword and ends up thrusting it through the side, making it look as if the sword went in and came out at a ninety-degree angle. The audience is confused.
Steve Holt comes out and proclaims, “Steve Holt!” while pumping his fists.
“The chest of steel!” GOB adds dramatically.
The audience goes wild.
The alcohol helped, too.
A handcuffed Steve drops himself into a Chinese water chamber. As GOB drops the curtain, Steve, who is in the dry portion of the two-chambered box, nonchalantly removes the trick handcuffs and steps out the back door and showers himself with two bottles of water. On his way back to the stage, he trips over the handcuffs and pushes over the water box. GOB, unprepared for this development, falls backwards onto a cage of doves. As water splashes everywhere, the birds appear to fly out of the water, and Steve is revealed. The audience applauds wildly. As GOB, taking this in stride, gestures wildly, a dead dove is thrust from his sleeve. It is wearing a miniature Vera Wang cocktail dress.
It worked out well for both of them, as groupies were known to flock to their rooms. Unfortunately, the constant smoke did a number on their vision after the show.
Each night, two women emerge, in unison, from adjacent rooms. The acknowledge each other and go on their separate ways. Often, these women are of dubious beauty. Some are very old. Some are very tall. Others are extremely short. Some have had extensive black-market plastic surgery. Often the same woman will emerge from different rooms on different nights. Sometimes the women are extremely beautiful. Sometimes the women, after acknowledging each other, will trade rooms.
Because of this, GOB would often end up sleeping with Steve’s mother…
“Eve Holt!” she calls as she leaves GOB’s room.
…who, after being accused of an affair by a student…
One year previous, a teenager accidentally drops his Coke bottle glasses before he enters a room in the police station. Behind a one-way mirror, a line-up of women is seen. One of them is a calm Eve Holt. Another is a worried-looking Beth Baerly. The teen struggles to see straight. He squints through the glass and points in Eve’s general direction.
…moved to Vegas to support her son. Emotionally. While he supported her after the traumatic experience. Financially.
GOB would also sometimes find himself in bed with his ex-wife, who after a failed relationship with Tobias…
She is on top of Tobias in a hotel room, dropping her robe to show off lacy lingerie. Tobias looks unimpressed. “Look, I’m sorry. They’re just too big.”
To herself, she comments, “I just can’t win with this family…”
“I’m sorry, okay? You know, I have a psychiatry background. You would think as an analrapist, I’d be able to focus more on the inside.”
“You know, I’m actually okay with that,” she comments.
…found herself again attracted to GOB because of his very daring show…
GOB looking around and pointing in a vague manner toward her, comments, “You, with the big cans. What’s your name?”
A frame from a home movie shows GOB standing in a Criss Angel-like pose in playing card-themed boxers with a pair of handcuffs handing from each wrist in a hotel room. To the side, his ex-wife, in military fatigues points at his crotch and gives the thumbs up sign.
And because of the loud music being played so loudly during the show…
“The Final Countdown!” the speakers blared.
…he experienced temporary deafness for an hour after the show; so despite her repeated reminders, he never learned her name was—
ATTENTION, THE FOLLOWING COUNTIES WILL BE EXPERIENCING HEAVY RAIN AND FLASH FLOODING UNTIL 3:14 AM: LOS ANGELES, ORANGE, RIVERSIDE, SAN BERNARDINO, AND SAN DIEGO… PLEASE STAY TUNED FOR FURTHUR DEVELOPMENTS…
He did finally buy purchase the animation rights for Mr. Bananagrabber. However, this occurred just days before a cannibalistic cult was uncovered in Southern Utah, forcing the Bluth Frozen Banana Company to retire the character for four years.
The Bluth Frozen Banana Company was run by Hel-loh “Annyong” Bluth, who felt that taking control of this particular enterprise was sufficient for his grandfather’s revenge.
Unfortunately, his passion caused him not to read the fine print of his contract. His lawyer didn’t help.
Barry Zuckerkorn examines his nails as Hel-loh eagerly signs the contract.
Because of this, he would be unable to change the name of the line of frozen banana stands. However, the Bluths’ lawyer was equally as careless, resulting in Hel-loh being paid ten times his offered salary, resulting from a misplaced comma.
Bob Loblaw is typing on his computer, pretending to listen, but really write a blog entry.
“Damn, the wireless connection in here is awful.”
Hel-loh decided that he could live with the name change.
In a picture dated 5/5/2009, Hel-loh stands in front of a Bluth Banana Stand with a blond supermodel on his arm. She is at least ten inches taller than him.
Tobias continued to be an understudy for the Blue Man Group. Unfortunately, during a July performance where he had to replace one of the Blue Men, his efforts to mimic the troupe’s disindividualized mannerisms resulting in protests from the audience for what they thought was “adult, homoerotic” content.
During the portion of the show where the Blue Men beat on metal garbage bins, splattering colored paint, the mustachioed Blue Man thrusts his hips suggestively.
Shortly afterwards, the Blue Man Group began to have an “After-Hours” show, which was identical to their first show, only performed by Tobias and two other understudies.
Tobias, front and centered, thrusts enthusiastically as he beats on the drum. He is flanked by two other Blue Men, who mimic his actions with little enthusiasm. The three of them have terrible rhythm.
It was very popular among the gay community as well as though who partook in Vegas’s other vices.
A male transvestite enters the room.
No, Vegas’s other, other vices.
A group of clearly stoned individuals enters the theater, holding frozen bananas from the Bluth’s Frozen Banana, Inc. stand outside the theater. “It’s like a big, yellow roach, man,” one comments languidly. Outside at the stand, an angry George, Sr. is arguing with the manager.
After the show, Tobias compliments his fellow Blue Men. “You really did a good job vigorously beating the drums with those hard wooden sticks of yours.” He winks. It’s obvious he’s wearing bulky shorts underneath his black costume, and a bit of denim is peeking out over the top of his pants.
The other two Blue Men flee, one commenting on how, “…they give you free drinks if you play the slot machines.” He grabs a frozen banana from a passed-out audience member.
“That guy wasn’t kidding about wearing those things under his clothes. I walked in on him wearing them, and he covered up like a 12-year-old boy caught starkers by his mother. I told you that show would be a career killer.”
Tobias is flirting with the transvestite, calling her “ma’am.”
Buster, who was in the worst predicament when we left him…
A yellow-tied seal surfaces before Buster, who is treading water. The seal growls menacingly. Buster flails around and accidentally smacks the seal on the nose. It whines pathetically. Buster, moved, starts to stroke it with his good hand. “There, there, little guy. You’re just as scared as me. He switches to the other arm, petting the seal with his pixilated stump. The seal tries to bite him again, but misses.
Buster, looking at his hand, comments, “Geez, it’s a good thing you bit my hand off, ‘cause if you hadn’t, I would have just lost my hand right there. Let’s be friends.”
And so, Buster finally had a pet.
Buster visits the seal, which now has a prosthetic fin, at Sea World. The seal attempts to bite his hand off again, but only manages to pull off the prosthetic, which Buster snatches back away from him. Besides a few bite marks, it’s no worse for wear.
Able to continue his studies on a disability scholarship, Buster finally finds fame as what the Good Day, L.A. would call “The Human Wikipedia.” Unfortunately, his fame is short-lived, because while he does live up to his name…
Buster states to the hosts, “…from 1982 to 1989. I reached at highest #2 in the Nielson ratings, aired back to back with The Cosby Show on CBS. The family lived in Columbia, Ohio…”
Five minutes later, he states, “…a Biblical prophet who began a rich, blessed back who was relentlessly tortured by Satan…”
Ten minutes later, he states, “…born in Melbourne, Australia, in 1931. He’s amassed a great media empire known as the New Corporation. When am I going to get graham crackers?”
In the audience, Lindsay leans over to Michael, “You know, we ought to go to Australia sometime. I heard it’d beautiful. You might even be able to take a ferry to see your old flame, Rita.”
Meanwhile, in Melbourne, Australia, George, Sr. enters one of his model homes.
…his on-air social skills left much to be desired.
“You really ought to invest in longer skirts,” Buster whispered aside to host Jillian Reynolds, still loud enough to be caught by the camera, “I can see your Peppermint Patty.”
“We’re going to go to commercial,” announced Jill.
“Burger King announces its new Supremo-Whopper. Four beef patties, three kinds of cheese, eight strips of hearty bacon, smothered in chili, ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, and our new secret sauce. Comes with a large order of fries, mozzarella sticks, a 64-ounce drink, and a medium double-thick milkshake, all for $8.99. For a limited time only. (Four of four doctors strongly recommend that the Supremo Whopper is not to be consumed more than once a year and should only be consumed if the consumer is in peak physical shape with no family history of heart disease or obesity.)”
The Bluths were not really a religious clan, except for George, Sr., who after a startling revelation…
After finding himself trapped in a dark alley in Chinatown, being chased by a vicious stray dog, George, Sr. is saved by a kitsch Buddha statuette falling from a second-story Chinese restaurant being raided by the DEA for drug trafficking. The statuette shatters on impact, and the dog, from a combination of the concussion and opium spores, becomes very docile.
…became a Buddhist monk…
Somewhere in Singapore, George, Sr. comments to a monk, “Orange really isn’t my color. It’s nothing personal; it just reminds me of a bad point in my life.”
George Michael and Maeby would go down in history as one of those couples that everyone mistakenly thought were married, such as Donny and Marie Osmond, Regis and Kathy Lee, and Jack and Meg White of the White Stripes.
Except that because tearing up a marriage certificate doesn’t negate a marriage…
George Michael hides the now-framed marriage certificate in the empty sock drawer of his penthouse room.
…which George Michael never did anyway, the two are legally still married by the state of California, who in 2008 revised their cousin marriage law to allow non-consanguineous cousins to marry. It passed merely on the fact that legislators were too lazy too look up the word, “non-consanguineous.”
On the next episode of Arrested Development…
And George, Senior is asked to reevaluate his lifestyle change.
George smashes a praying mantis on his arm. “This bleeping things are everywhere!” Another monk comes to speak with him.
And Lucille adapts to prison life.
Michael is visiting his mother in jail. On the other side of the partition, she comments, “Oh, I’m having the time of my life.”
