AG: We’ve struck a great idea.
MM: A sci-fi show.
TW: We were already a sci-fi show. Superman, remember?
AG: You know, I think I remember something about that when we were first developing the show.
MM: Wow, trip down memory lane there.
(they share a nostalgic sigh)
AG: Anyway, apparently there was this show called “Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman.”
MM: It even has a couple of the names of our main characters right there in the title.
ED: (to AM) Is he being serious?
AM: I’m afraid to ask.
AG: One big problem is that the characters are kind of contradictory to ours. Their
TW: I don’t mind playful.
MM: Blasphemy!
TW: (comprising) Can we at least split the difference?
AG: (gravely) We were warned they might get like this. Make outlandish demands.
MM: (somberly) We chose our profession, Miles. We’ll just have to deal with it.
AG: (nodding) Done.
ED: Any other changes?
MM: We’re kind of uncomfortable with their Lois.
AG: Honestly, she’s a lot like the character the big wigs are trying to get us to move her towards. It doesn’t fit, though.
MM: She’s too much like Chloe.
AM: Please; you’re giving the UCC fodder.
AG: Uck?
AM: The Unholy Chlois Cult. Don’t you two spend any time online?
MM: Too many weirdos.
AG: They’re all on message boards. Telling us how to do our job. As if they were genius TV and movie producers with years of experience.
AM: You know, some of their fanfiction doesn’t suck.
MM: Blasphemy!
AG: I think you’re getting a little overeager there, Miles.
MM: Sorry. It’s fun.
AG: I know.
MM: I was in the mood. She mentioned Chlois.
AG: We don’t like them.
MM: They hate Lana.
KK: Actually, that’s a pretty bold generalization. There are a lot of fans out there who are dissatisfied with the character development on the show, and given the portrayal of Lana, they feel the need to elect her as the scapegoat for the poor progression of their favorite characters. However, this perception of hating Lana is really independent of the Chlois subpopulation. In reality, this is fairly common outside the group that idolizes Lana. In reality, the majority of Chloisers happen to be supporters of the Clark-Chloe relationship for obvious reasons, so therefore ought to be bigger fans of Chloe. Since you two, in the beginning of the show, set Lana and Chloe as foils of one another, it shouldn’t be surprising that the reaction of this particular group is antagonistic of Lana. Actually, I bet it’s actually a small minority that is truly antagonistic. Others are more likely indifferent to mildly annoyed. When you boil it down, since it’s a group focused on the role of Chloe, their feelings for Lana shouldn’t really even be taken into consideration.
AM: You know, I’m kind of embarrassed that I’m not the one coming up with that speech.
TW: Did we actually decide anything?
AG: Our Lois will not be like their Lois. For one, she dresses terribly.
AM: She dresses professionally. It’s kinda how you used to dress me in Season 5.
MM: Hey, she’s right. You can dress like their Lois.
AM: That was an easy victory.
AG: We were, however, very impressed by the fashion style of this other character.
ED: Oh, dear lord, he’s talking about Cat Grant.
AG: Yes!
ED: She dressed hideously. It was completely ridiculous that she was even let into the building.
MM: I’d let her into my building.
MR: I think she was referring to the office building, not your flat.
MM: My flat?
MR: What? (makes silly gang signs) I’m down your lingo.
ED: What is this? (mimics his signing)
MR: Jamie Kennedy taught it to me. You sayin’ you dint catch my moo-vay, honey? I totally caught Final Destination 2. Openin’ night!
ED: Thanks, but I was in The Butterfly Effect 2.
MR: You did a movie with Ashton Kutcher?
ED: No. You didn’t see the movie at all!
TW: What was the name of your male costar?
ED: (deer-in-a-headlights look for a moment) Eric Lively! I didn’t forget. It was Eric Lively. Eric Lively. Eric Lively, of course.
MR: What? No one seems to have seen Kickin’ It Old Skool.
AA: I did. Did they let you keep the glasses?
MR: No. They sent them to a Hard Rock Café.
ED: Really?
MR: No, eBay. They’re probably in the hands of some Lex fan. Lord know what body part their rubbing them against.
KK: You must be so proud.
MR: (grinning) Kinda.
KK: (scoots away) Why do I always sit by you?
TW: I sent you all free tickets. Did anyone see The Fog?
MR: I have the original on video.
AM: Hey, I saw it. I even bought the DVD.
ED: I watched the dirty part online.
AM: (guilty) Yeah, that’s actually the reason I bought the DVD.
MR: Oh, that reminds me. Erica, I totally saw House of the Dead. It’s like one of my favorite movies.
ED: You fast-forward to the river scene?
MR: Yes, but I make up for it by watching that scene in slow motion. Sometimes, I feel so guilty about not seeing you in The Mothman Prophecies 2, that I even pause.
ED: That’s fine, but just so you know…
MR: (leering) Oh, trust me, it’s obvious.
ED: (proud) Good.
AM: Dare I ask about The Ant Bully?
(long pause)
MR: I saw it. What was it like to work with Freddy Highmore?
AM: You’re thinking of The Invisibles. Nice try. Why’d you watch that?
MR: The covers looked alike.
KK: Did anyone see my movie?
MR: Yes.
AM: You were wonderful.
TW: So cute.
AM: Adorable.
ED: I almost cried.
MM: I keep it on top of my television.
AG: I sleep with it like a teddy bear.
MM: The red dress was picture-perfect.
KK: (epiphany) Oh my god! You’re talking about Snow White. I meant EuroTrip.
MR: (smirking) What part did you have in EuroTrip? (suddenly appalled) Holy crap! You were Scotty’s girlfriend!
ED: (looking ill) You’re right! (points at Kristin with a shivering hand)
AM: All of a sudden, it’s like there’s this part of you that I don’t know.
TW: Was that the one with Buffy’s little sister?
MR: That was Buffy’s sister? Harriet the Spy? I ogled Harriet the Spy?
AA: Guys, lay off. Shawn dated her for a while. AM: Aw, that's cute. I think.KK: Is this a joke?
MR: (plainly) Yeah. Kristin, we serenaded you at your last birthday with “Scotty Doesn’t Know.” Remember?
KK: (realization) I hate you all!
AM: So, where were we before we got off track?
AG: (checking his notes) We were saying “Lana” a whole bunch of times.
(AM flips the page)
AG: Oh, we were deciding that Lois should dress like Cat Grant.
ED: Can I just wear short shorts and tight sweaters and the occasional low-cut tops?
MM: I think we can live with that. If by “occasional” you mean “frequent.”
TW: So, does
MM: (looks to AG) What the hell are we going to do with the two dozen flannel shirts now?
AG: We’ll keep half for barn scenes. The rest we’ll sell to consignment shops.
TW: And the jacket?
AM: Wood chipper.
(silence)
AM: Just a suggestion.
(silence)
AM: Or, you know, sell it at an auction and give the proceeds to charity.
(silence)
AM: Or a wood chipper.
TW: So, wait if we’ve got Lois being Cat and Chloe being Lois, which one’s
AG: Lana.
TW: Why do I even ask?
KK: And exactly where does Lana come into play on this show? You know, besides being the girl that
AG: What do you mean?
MM: We could build a ten-year series on that theme alone.
KK: Give the Lana character a job. Some purpose in life, beside having
MR: Do I get to have hair again?
AG: Why?
MR: ‘Cause Lex on that show had hair.
MM: I don’t see why not.
MR: (getting excited) And a smart British assistant? And cobras to face off against?
ED: You do realize if we have you staring down cobras, the fan’s are going to delve into the homoerotic subtext of that scene.
MR: I’m kind of okay with that.
KK: Michael, put your hands on the table, or I will chop them off!
MM: Michael, we agree to all those stipulations.
TW: Hey, since Annette and John aren’t here, are they going to have roles?
AG: Yes, I spoke with them on the phone earlier. They are very excited to have absolutely nothing change about their roles.
MR: Really?
AG: Well, their characters have to have an affair.
ED: Are they still stuck on that?
AG: Like a python on a particularly chubby and slow bunny-rabbit.
KK: For the record, I will quit if you ever use that analogy again.
AG: It’s our new Rule #1: Don’t use the Python and Bunny Analogy.
AM: What about Jimmy?
MM: Oh, it was kind of weird. He kinda wasn’t much different really.
(Dawn Ostroff storms in)
DO: Al! Miles! The latest memo I got says you think you’re going to combine your show with Lois and Clark.
AG: Bad idea?
DO: Brilliant idea. Five years ago! Look, we just got Dean Cain to agree to play a recurring villain. If you two mangle this combo show in the slightest, we’ve lost him! I don’t know what back-ass-ward film school you twits attended, but it’s time to go back to the drawing board.
MM: So…
TW: Meeting adjourned until tomorrow?
AG: We’ll bring donuts.
~
A/N: So, it turns out all I needed was some time to stew while I thought up endings for these meta-episodes.
^_^ - It would have worked. The Power Suits of Chloevage solve everything.
Started 7/4/2007. Finished 11/11/2007.
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